a mile a day keeps the psychiatrist away

The delightful neurochemical cocktail of the ADHD + GAD + dysthymia brain, requires that my life be very structured. In the absence of such structure, I freak the fuck out and convince myself that I simply cannot be anything but unproductive, and the rest of the day is ostensibly shot, hence my obsession with time and compulsion to make schedules and plan. I should mention that as a product of the aforementioned neurochemical cocktail I am OCPD, not to be confused with OCD; the former is ego-syntonic, meaning that I am perfectly content with my obsessions and compulsions, as they are perfectly normal. For example, hand-washing to avoid disease; checking to ensure that I locked the doors before heading to bed. I will not eat with my hands without washing my hands or hand sanitizing; if this is crazy, then so is getting a fucking flu shot or washing your hands after using the restroom. If double checking (not triple or quadruple) that my doors are locked is crazy, then so is not wanting to be murdered in my sleep. But medical students are all too flippant when it comes to infectious diseases and personal safety; perhaps, they feel their white coats endow them with some figment of immunity. Unlike my medical student counterparts, I only attend medical school, and am under no such delusions, but, I digress.

The sad fact remains that I simply have never been good at jogging, but clearly, I’m getting better at it. In the past, I could only walk or all out run; I could never sustain a 5 mph run without invariably breaking out of the 7 mph range, and turning it into a race. My previous running philosophy was if we can have a conversation while we’re running, that means we’re running too damn slowly. Yet, I’ve come to appreciate that if I intend to run one mile a day everyday, I’m going to have to switch up the hard and easy runs, and yes, I’ll definitely have to start enjoying the light jog. And the easy runs are going to have to be pretty damn easy if I want to avoid resurrecting any old injuries or conceiving any new ones.

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